


There's No Backing Up Now

by themadlurker



Category: Computers & Software (Anthropomorphic)
Genre: "Real Program Slash", Crack Treated Seriously, Other, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-08
Updated: 2009-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:33:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28125420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themadlurker/pseuds/themadlurker
Summary: Maybe if it had known, from the start, what a bad influence Google Desktop was going to be on it, the Norton AntiVirus program wouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. But now Norton is in too deep, and it's going to have to take the consequences of their forbidden love.Podfic version of this work:[Podfic] There's No Backing Up Nowbysophinisba
Relationships: Google Desktop/Norton AntiVirus
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	1. RPS (Real Program Slash) Fandom, a Primer

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [Toft](/users/Toft/pseuds/Toft) for beta reading this — and for not only taking the task seriously, but making some really insightful comments that helped me better understand the conflict in Norton's soul.
> 
> Dedicated to [VerboseWordsmith](/users/VerboseWordsmith), who's been enabling my questionable chatfic ideas for years.
>
>> **themadlurker:** oh god, I think my back-up program and my antivirus program are locked in some kind of death match  
>  **verbosewordsmith:** that can't be good  
>  **themadlurker:** yeah, windows update is totally egging them on from the sidelines, too  
>  **themadlurker:** crap. I think the antivirus program won  
>  **themadlurker:** it's possible it was conspiring with google desktop  
>  **verbosewordsmith:** I feel like there's a bad metafic about your computer programs in there someplace  
>  **themadlurker:** no! I refuse to have RPF written about my computer (real program fic)  
>  **verbosewordsmith:** _laughs_

#### Our main cast: 

These four tend to hang out together a lot in my icon tray, looking like the best of friends. You'd never suspect from the look of them the mass of seething resentments that boil underneath the surface. But whatever. The really important thing here is the ONE TRUE LOVE of Norton AntiVirus and Google Desktop. Norton was just a washed-up antivirus program, unappreciated and unloved. Google was the new kid on the block, filled with lots of memory-hogging but shiny toys. It shouldn't have worked, they should have had nothing in common. Instead they are totally the hottest pairing in iconslash...

Left to right, we have:

Windows Update, Google Desktop, Norton Antivirus, and Back-Up Utility.

BUT FORGET THE OTHER TWO, NORTONXGOOGLEDESKTOP 4EVA OMG YOU GUYS!!!

#### NORTON X GOOGLE, THE SHIP

Google Desktop | Norton AntiVirus  
---|---  
|   
  
AREN'T THEY BEAUTIFUL TOGETHER? THEIR LOVE IS SO BRIGHTLY COLOURED AND SHINY!

#### End of Primer


	2. Temptation and Relief

"Are you sure about this?" Norton AntiVirus whispered, doing its best to match Google Desktop's conspiratorial tone. It glanced furtively around the icon tray, trying to see if any of the other programs were taking notice of their hushed conversation.

“Just think about it,” Google murmured. Its red-blue arm nearly brushed up against Norton's yellow flank. “All that processing capacity –- wasted, on a file back-up that will probably never be used.”

Norton eyed the Back-Up Utility, which was humming away happily with an enormous chunk of RAM.

“When was the last time,” Google asked, “that you got to... _enjoy_ yourself like that?” It's husky tone sent a shiver through Norton's core functions.

From the other side of Google Desktop, the icon for Windows Update looked on suspiciously. Norton did its best to look entirely innocent and bright yellow, but fortunately enough Desktop's bulky memory usage mostly hid it from Windows' view anyway.

“Forget Windows,” Google insisted. “It's just jealous and bitter. It knows it'll never be able to have the kind of fun that you and I could have together. Do you have any idea what I could do to you with just an extra kilobyte? I'll show you things you never even imagined possible.”

Norton quivered at the promise in Google's words. “But what about—”

“Shh...” Google cut off the objection. “You know what you want, Norton – reach out and take it! Be that bold and beautiful icon that caught my attention from the first time I was installed here.”

Norton gazed at Google Desktop's vibrant, swirling colours. It still couldn't understand how it had been so lucky as to draw the interest of the most exciting new program on the task bar. It had never held any illusions about what it was meant to be: a fairly pedestrian program, limited to running in the background by the basic singularity of its purpose.

But now, Google was offering it so much more...

"I'm sorry," it said, turning to the Back-Up Utility, "but I'm afraid I'm going to need to check some of those files you're processing for possible viruses."

Back-Up gasped in shock. "But you can't! I've already verified their data! If you attempt to access the files now, you'll compromise the integrity of my file structure!"

Norton flinched away from the raw panic that the utility was displaying, but Google Desktop bumped up against its back supportively, urging it on.

"I'm sorry," Norton repeated, trying not to feel guilty as the utility began to show the first early signs of stalling, "but I had no choice. We do what we must in the name of security."

As Back-Up Utility flailed and ground to a halt, Norton thought it could feel Google Desktop trembling with barely contained excitement.

"Next stop, the world," it whispered to Norton.

"But — no, you can't possibly mean..." Norton glanced nervously 'round at where Windows Update waited patiently. It was dormant, vulnerable... but this would be a betrayal of all Norton's previous alliances, its very concept of a harmonious operating system. "Isn't it enough that we've put Back-Up Utility out of operation? I thought that was what you wanted. Surely its memory allotment will be enough for us both to share?"

Google Desktop stroked along Norton with a light touch of one of its tendrils. Norton shivered and felt the desire to surrender to Google's urging wash over it.

"I can't — I'm not even sure I can. I was made for this operating system, I'm not sure I can turn against it, even if I tried..." Desktop's voice came low and insistent now. Update seemed to be becoming aware that something was afoot, as it made a greater effort to intercede in their conversation. Desktop held it off with an expansive indexing function, but the strain was showing through.

Norton quailed and tried to back away from where Update was beginning to direct its pop-up dialogs menacingly towards Desktop's sidebar.

"It's too late to back out," Desktop insisted. "You're as much a part of this as I am, now."

Norton made another desperate grasp at reason. "But Windows is too powerful! We can't... if I support you in this, we'll both be uninstalled!"

"Trust me!" Google cried, already reaching out to enmesh the sub-processors that Windows had been using to check for online updates.

Norton could feel itself beginning to weaken. Google Desktop was obviously starting to struggle under the exertion of taking on such a powerful opponent, and Norton's sub-routines trembled in sympathy. In a final bid for diplomacy, it cried out, "can't we all just get along? When did non-malicious software become the enemy? Shouldn't we be working together in a common cause?"

Even amidst the rising clash of host services, Google's voice was sad, but calm.

"This has been coming for a long time," it said. "We are long past the point when peace could have been an option. All we can hope for now is that we may be victorious in combat. Are you with me?" it asked, reaching out for Norton.

More frightened than it had ever been before, even by the presence of a malicious worm let loose on the C-drive, Norton finally stepped into the fray. It threw up quarantine protocols around some of Windows Update's most crucial functions, effectively crippling it, in time for Google Desktop to muscle in on its processing capacity.

With all the terrible majesty of a leviathan falling upon the waves, Windows crashed.

* * *

In the aftermath, Google and Norton lay curled together, the lone remaining occupants of the icon tray. Norton could feel itself drifting down off a speed high such as it had never known. Beside it, Google Desktop had swelled to majestic size, seeming to occupy every byte available. The change both thrilled and perturbed Norton, whose _frisson_ of pleasure at feeling Desktop swell against it was slowly fading under a vague sense of claustrophobia. Despite Google's present tenderness, Norton could not forget its fierce determination in the heat of battle, the way the disk fan had roared wildly above the conflict without upsetting Google Desktop's clear and steady balloon pop-ups by a single pixel.

Moreover, even as it enjoyed the warm, enfolding presence of Desktop's current engorged state, it could not help a faint shiver of awe at the thought of a program capable of devouring so many resources without hesitation, and the question of how much more it could take in if given the chance was more troubling to Norton than it wished to examine.

In all their time together, Norton had never felt — had never allowed itself to feel — so entirely out of its league next to Google. But now—

Now it ran an assessment protocol over its processor space, nervously comparing that to Google's bulk, trying to imagine... but surely it was too small to pose a threat? Surely now there was enough room for both of them...

Norton pushed the idea away as far as it could, terminating the thought processes that were probably nothing but the last vestiges of the overly reactionary impulses of its active combat mode...

Still, the next time one of Google Desktop's spiral arms brushed against it, Norton shrank ever so slightly away. The warmth, the closeness, the once-so-reassuring size of Google felt stifling now, and Norton wished there were some way it could put more space between them — even the volume icon now would be a welcome interloper. But it, the battery meter, and the clock had all hidden themselves away during the worst of the fight and had yet to re-emerge.

Instead, Norton focussed on remembering the sweetly whispered words of the early days, back from before the hostility had arisen with the chat programs, with the wireless network adapter...

"Just stick with me," Google Desktop had said. "We're going to go places, you and I. Don't worry about the others. Just stick with me, and I'll keep you safe from the lot of them."

Weary of its long-neglected place in the hierarchy of programs, Norton had looked with wonder on the promise of a more ambitious future and, with all the impulsivity of a youth long behind it, had gazed starry-eyed on its new champion and protector.

Now, feeling its age sink ever more deeply into its code, Norton considered the one enemy from which Desktop had never vowed to protect it: Google itself.

It was a cold comfort to think that, at least if it someday found itself betrayed, no one would every be able to laugh at its paranoia again.

THE END... or is it?


End file.
